this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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