She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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