I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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