I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize