Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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