Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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