I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize