You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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