He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
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girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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