party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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