sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
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his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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