sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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