there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you had me at cake vodka
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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