Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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