My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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