Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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