just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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