how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize