i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize