How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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