she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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