i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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