Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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