Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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