Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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