First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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