My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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