if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize