Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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