...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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