dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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