I'm lost and stupid without you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
two words...techno handjob
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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