I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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