giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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