how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Everything about him screamed your future.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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