This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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