and she was petting her beer can
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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