DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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