She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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