Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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