i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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