I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The ass gains better be worth it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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