Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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