M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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