Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the condom got lost in my hair
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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