Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize