She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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