forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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