I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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