Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Me too!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize