I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize